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He always did. He told me that if I ever told anyone we would both go to prison. It went on for about three years, until shortly after my dad died. I carried self-loathing, humiliation, fear and shame. When I was 18 my mum brought me to a psychiatrist.

I looked at him and thought to myself, Nobody knows that you are a sex offender who has engaged in a treatment programme with us. The man did not fit common preconceptions of what a sex offender looks like, she says. They can also have narcissistic traits. Abusers can appear to be highly functional.

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So even though I walked around with fear, anxiety and shame I still loved him. We very rarely see paedophiles on the programmes. Mary Flaherty is chief executive of the Cari Foundation - also known as Children at Risk in Ireland - which provides therapy for sexually abused children.

But Dr Nick Bankes, a clinical psychologist who works with offenders, says that of the hundreds of child sex abusers he has treated only about six may have been paedophiles. And, although most sex abusers are men, about 10 per cent may be women.

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Some victims may be teens who kiss a young man who then goes on to assault or rape them. Others have been contacted by strangers over the internet and asked to engage in sexual acts on camera. Between a quarter and a third of abusers are under 25, and many are teens.

Mary Tallon and Joan Cherry are social workers with Northside Inter-Agency Project, a community-based treatment programme for children between the ages of 13 and 18 who sexually abuse.

The project also supports families, especially where, for example, a teenage son has sexually abused his sister. Athru, in Galway, and Southside Inter-Agency Team, in Dublin, provide similar services.

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We worked with one young lad who was feeling very controlled by his father; his sexual abuse of children was framed around how he was in control now. Other abusers may be angry at being bullied and take it out on younger children - although, of course, most bullying victims never abuse other children. Tallon and Cherry say that intervention and therapy make young abusers less likely to reoffend. Without therapy they have the highest recidivism rate.

Dr Patrick Randall is a clinical and forensic psychologist who treats child abusers. Sophie, the abuse survivor who is now a counselling psychologist, says that public attitudes, inflamed by traditional and social media, have hurt her.

They are not something out there: they are our brothers, father, uncles, sons and friends. My sister, who was abused by my father, says he should have his dick nailed to the floor and the building should be set on fire.

Yet she is conflicted.

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Families can be torn apart by abuse. A caring mother, for example, might fall out with her abusive brother or partner, but the grandparents could then believe and side with the abuser.

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Sophie says that she has forgiven her mother. James similarly has confused feelings about his brother. It took James many years to deal with the abuse. He first reported it to his older sister just before he started secondary school. She found the right words to put me at ease and kept me alive with her support and love. James later dropped out of college and moved to Galway, having confided in one or two trusted friends.

When he did open up, to a person who worked for the Rape Crisis Centre, he had a breakdown and was hospitalised for about six weeks.

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It tore through my family: I later learned that my uncle was hesitant to believe me, and thought I had imagined it. At one point James wanted to bring his brother to court; his sister and mother supported him.

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But after making a statement he ended up back in hospital. His brother did send him a written apology. Nothing is enough.

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Chopping off his arms and legs would not be enough. I have realised that the only way through is acceptance and forgiveness. Not for him but because it is what I need. Part of One in Four's approach involves working with the families of victims.

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In the UK the Stop It Now! helpline encourages men or their families who are concerned about potentially harmful behaviour to get help before a child is abused. In Germany, Prevention Project Dunkelfeld offers therapy to paedophiles and hebephiles who have not offended. In Ireland clinicians have lobbied for a Stop It Now! programme, to little avail.

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Bill Kenneally, the imprisoned abuser, claims that he could have been stopped. If, as therapists also advise, we are to develop more therapy for abusers and potential abusers, we must look beyond the revulsion that we feel about child abusers, beyond calls to castrate or jail them for life - simplistic solutions that leave children at risk.

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But even were this solution to be pursued as a policy there would be other obstacles. Few psychologists know how to support sexual offenders or want to take on such difficult work. Funding and infrastructure are also inadequate.

Both Bankes and Patrick Randall, the clinical and forensic psychologist, say that Tusla, the State child and family agency, lacks the resources to handle the volume of child sex abuse cases and that victim-support services around Ireland are inadequate.

It wants to develop medical- and forensic-examination centres in Cork, Dublin and Galway, as well as regional victim assessment and therapy centres. But the steering group has no mandate to direct agencies and has no clear time frame.

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Mary Tallon and Joan Cherry of Northside Inter-Agency Project say that they welcome the national developments but are concerned about the lack of funding for them. The State relies on Cari, a small charity, to provide services for sexually abused children, but its budget has been cut and cut again, and it now has up to 40 children who have been waiting more than a year for assessment.

Best practice is to see a child within six months. And the charity, which has worked with children as young as two, offers services in Dublin and Limerick only.

These are children that we know have been abused, and we want to meet their needs quickly and appropriately. It is desperately wrong to leave them waiting. For details of sexual assault treatment units, see hse.

You can report concerns to Tusla, and learn more about how the support process works, at tusla. To report online child sex abuse material, see hotline. The first public discussions about child sexual abuse took place in the s.

Given the taboo around sex in general, any discussion around the subject was difficult.

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But people were not unaware of abuse. He reported that the force had investigated more cases of sexual abuse of girls between and The report of the committee was never published.

This set a tone for the following decades - but the existence of abuse could not be completely suppressed. But the extent of child sexual abuse began to emerge only in the late s. The case of Noreen Winchester, a Belfast woman who murdered her abusive father - she was jailed but later granted a royal pardon - brought incest to the attention of the media.

Teachers and social workers were also beginning to address the issue in the Republic.

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By there was increasing evidence that child sexual abuse was a major issue in Ireland. That November the Irish Council for Civil Liberties launched a working party to investigate it.

By the end of the year reports of child sexual abuse had increased sixfold over In the centre launched an advertising campaign promoting services for people who were survivors of sexual abuse, including incest.

That year it received calls related to child sexual abuse. By the Eastern and Southern Health Boards recorded a doubling of reports of child sexual abuse, and the organisations dealing with it were overwhelmed.

Professionals began to point out that a significant number of cases took place within extended families, although few people acknowledged that abuse was taking place in families like their own.

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This dovetailed with another emerging notion: that of stranger danger. The belief that strange men prowled communities, snatching children, gained traction following the disappearance of Philip Cairns, in Only a minority of sexual abusers are strangers, but media coverage distorted the reality.

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That changed somewhat in the s, when the horrors of clerical and institutional child sexual abuse began to emerge, but there was a continuing resistance to tackle familial abuse. It remains deeply discomforting to think that child abusers are like us, are related to us and in many cts of life appear to be decent people. There is no stereotypical abuser. Coming to terms with this and shaping a new debate around child sexual abuse are essential to protecting children.

Fin Dwyer is a historian and author and the creator of the Irish History Podcast series.

Beyond Redemption? special on RTE One at Thinking Anew. Unfortunately USERNAME we were unable to process your last payment. Please ate your payment details to keep enjoying your Irish Times subscription.

Sat, Oct 15, Peter McGuire. Working with the Lactation Consultants at the hospital, I was able to breastfeed my eighteen-month-old daughter through both surgeries and treatment. Nearly two now, we still have a healthy breastfeeding relationship!

I was still cut open on the operating table!

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They were in the process of stapling me back together. I demanded that I feed my daughter as soon as she took her first breath. They handed her to me and my husband within three minutes.

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It was amazing. Let your voice be heard - you do not have to wait to go into the recovery room to feed your newborn.

I spoke with The Breastfeeding Project about why they decided an "Extreme Nursing" photo gallery was a good addition to their page, and they explained:.

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The idea behind the extreme breastfeeding gallery was just to generate some excitement about breastfeeding and to have fun.

We all had pictures of ourselves breastfeeding in funny or silly locations and we had all experienced the "breastfeeding gymnastics" that goes with breastfeeding a toddler. We ran a competition in December where moms sent us their extreme breastfeeding pictures and then we had our fans vote for their favorite on Facebook. We are planning to run a second competition this fall. For more from The Breastfeeding project, including a look at the breastfeeding bags they're currently working on distributing to new moms, check out their web site and Facebook page.

I'm bowled over by the photo of the woman doing the 'plank' pose while breastfeeding, and the cancer photo had tears brimming in my eyes. While others are less 'extreme' and a few are just plain sweet, I'm a big fan of this gallery because as a new mom I was painfully shy about breastfeeding.

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I wish I'd had more confidence to nurse whenever, wherever my child needed, rather than feeling confined to home or stressing out over having a place to hide should we be out in public.

In hindsight, it seems sort of silly how uptight I felt about breastfeeding, but I really didn't know any better or see anyone doing it differently.

Join now to personalize. Here is a look at the nursing pictures they've compiled thus far, which range from sweet to unusual, touching to tear-jerking: Pit stop No excuses Sit up for let down Snack time on the go Inducing labor?

White water rafting break Suck it, cancer! Thanks for the footrest. First feeding " Here is a picture of me breastfeeding my fourth child during my c-section. Photos shared with permission from The Breastfeeding Project This post was originally published in June, advertisement page continues below. Featured video.



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